Macros, bloody macros …

In answer to the most common questions received to date, yes, my digestive system still works, and no, I don’t have the shits yet. So what’s the skinny (pardon the pun) so far?

Day 1

I feel gross going in, but I think that’s more to do with the over-indulgence over silly season (I’m thinking about you, beef wellington …). The good news is that on that basis i’m super-motivated to get started. I’ve also read everything I can find on the science behind this and success strategies, so I’m feeling confident.

Challenge #1 – consumption of exogenous ketones, in most palatable way possible. The alleged flavour is “chocolate sea salt”. Reading reviews tell me that the taste is an “acquired one”, and these products are generally accepted by the body sculpting community as tasting somewhere between bad and downright bloody awful. Apparently it can also make you poo, lots. This stuff is designed to force my body into a state of ketosis, rather than having to drag myself there gradually over a period of days, waiting for my body to realise that it’s being starved of glucose (the fuel we get from pasta and cake, and the body’s preferred energy source).

Smells ok, but let’s not risk it. I add it to warm almond milk and a small amount of raw cacao power. Down the hatch, and wait. It wasn’t awful … it definitely has an aftertaste, but it’s a long way from undrinkable. A few hours later and my insides seem to be playing ball, so brunch is next.

Brunch is smoked salmon and scrambled eggs. Also baby spinach, since I worked out that I can eat a huge amount of this and it barely registers against my macro allowances. I scramble the eggs in butter, add a dollop of sour cream and dill, and drizzle my spinach with olive oil. I feel pretty damn full afterwards, and i’m making good progress against my macro targets. However, in just a sub-par hot chocolate and breakfast I have blown my way through over half of my recommended calorie intake. Hmmm …

During the week I was busy working out how to eat high fat meat and cheese without blowing my protein allowance out of the water. Didn’t consider the calories, which makes my cunning plan to eat nothing but Boursin a bad one. Reading the research, the jury seems to be split about whether you need to count calories if your macro proportions are correct. I resolve to give it my best shot but not get too obsessed about it. What is clear, is that this is going to need some serious planning and prep for work lunches. I head out to the supermarket armed with a list of fatty, yummy things.

Dinner is a pork chop, cooked in butter, with mushrooms and spinach (also cooked in butter). To get up to my fat target I slosh in a truckload of double cream and a bit of Boursin for good measure. I feel full and slightly sick, but I don’t feel overly stuffed, and even better, I still don’t have the shits yet. I got almost bang on my protein and fat targets, was significantly under on carbs, but blew the calories out by almost 300. Hoping the calories part doesn’t matter too much …!

I’ve already decided that the weighing and measuring part really sucks ass. I’m sure once you’re in the swing it becomes less necessary, but I spent half my afternoon bagging up portions of various proteins and writing the macros on the packets. This definitely goes in the ‘life’s too short’ bucket. That said, tomorrow I get to eat a whole mozzarella ball for lunch (because CHEESE IS LIFE) so it’s not all bad 🙂


Day 2

Now, if you’re not used to eating a lot of fat, eating a high fat diet is harder than it sounds! Why? Because the obvious things you can eat to increase your fat intake that aren’t pure fats and oils or heavy cream – think cheese and bacon – also contain protein, in similar or sometimes greater amounts to the fat they contain. Since I have no plans to start drinking neat coconut oil, I need another strategy. Avocados have become my new best friend, which means I won’t be buying a house in Sydney any time soon. Smashed avo on toast is entirely responsible for young people not being able to get on the property ladder here, if you believe what you see on the news …

I had half an avocado with eggs scrambled in butter for breakfast. At the weekend I will learn how to make the avocado bacon eggs in the picture – with cheese. As planned, I ate a whole mozzarella ball for lunch 🙂 . Dinner is steak with mushrooms and spinach and sour cream sauce. I’m going to bed pretty happy, and still not feeling any ill-effects. I have, however, over-shot my protein and fat targets by a wee bit.


Day 3

Today I did ‘bums & barre’ at the gym, and I thought I was going to die. My body is not fat adapted yet. I know this because I pee’d on a paper strip and it didn’t turn pink. I also pee’d on my hand (Nepal she-wee fail flashbacks here). Since my body isn’t feasting on its own fat yet and it’s not getting any carbs, the gym was hard. I realise that my pole dance class starts a new term tomorrow and there’s a non-zero chance i’m going to drop myself on my head. Probably more than once. Or i’ll just give up in the first 10 minutes and hit the default “roll around the floor and rub a boob”. Today my macro targets are pretty much bang on – think I might be getting the hang of this!

Overall, it’s so far so good. I’m loving the food (CHEESE), and I’m not feeling anything that feels like keto flu. So either the supplements are working, or I’m just not in transition yet. The lows – doing the math is very frustrating and it’s probably taking me an hour a night to plan for the next day. I’m also still slightly traumatised by the whole ‘peeing on hand’ thing.

I’m prepped for the next couple of days, and upping my supplement dosage from tomorrow since I haven’t suffered … let’s see what happens!!

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