It’s Perah, Tarquin, PERAH!!

So this one time, on my gap-yah … Yes, we’re in Peru or ‘Perah’ for Orlando fans. First stop – Mancora, a beach resort on the Pacific coast. Our hopes for having a crack at surfing were dashed on arrival, due to the absence of any surf!! Still, it gave me what I was desperately craving – some tanning time!!

It wouldn’t do to spend the entire time in Mancora lying on a lounger, and what better place to get a tan than at sea!! Therefore some of the group decided to partake in one of the optional activities – a tour of the local wildlife, where you get to eat them at the end. The waters around Mancora are rich with sealife, so we got to see dolphins, sealions, sea turtles and more boobies than you’d see at the Playboy Mansion. Obviously I mean the blue-footed seabird kind rather than the silicone kind. Next came the fishing, the goal being to catch enough fish to turn it into ceviche for our breakfast. Caught it, killed it, ate it. And it tasted good!! The next day and a half were basically spent in the sun or in the pool, with some pretty awesome Thai food thrown in. I liked Mancora, a lot!

Top spot – a Peruvian hairless dog. One word – FUGLY!! Apparently they’ve existed since pre-Incan times. God knows how – presumably it has no natural predictors as nothing wants to eat something that ugly!!

It was now time for another new experience – our first overnight bus. This took us through the desert for 10hrs to Huanchaco, another surf town. To be fair, the busses in Peru are pretty damn nice. Big comfy seats, and greater recline and more room than you get on the average aeroplane. For about 20 quid. Sleazyjet could learn a lot from them.

First activity on the list – breakfast!! Getting off the night bus was like getting off a longhaul night flight, but without the jetlag. Found a fab little cafe called ‘Chocolate’ that served great pancakes, and great hot chocolate (now there’s a shocker!). Basic human needs satisfied, it was off to the mud city of Chan Chan to see some pre-Inca ruins from the Chimu and Moche civilisations. Pretty impressive stuff; took loads of photos including token comedy shots with the dude dressed as a priest. At least i THINK that was what he was supposed to be …

Huanchaco isn’t very big, but it does have a good beachfront cocktail bar. Well, technically it’s a shack but it serves cocktails, 2:1 during happy hour!! For the first time since we started out, the entire group was completely rat-arsed, largely due to the ‘Pacific Breeze’, consisting of Pisco, gin, vodka, something else, and that blue shite. Nothing good ever came from drinking blue drinks, and I will never order a ‘Pacific Breeze’ again. Fortunately for me, hunger won over, and desire for a burger overcame desire to drink more. When Kelsey and i returned from our burger mission, we found the rest of the group in the ocean in their undies. Naturally, stealing their clothes was too good to miss!! Overall, I’d say the group is bonding pretty well. Next stop – Lima!!

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